wolfgangsthoughts

Fuzzy minds everywhere mourn the loss of Steven Paul (“Steve”) Jobs, co-founder of Apple, to pancreatic cancer at the age of 56. Speaking as one of those touched by his work (not only at Apple, but also his innovative work at Xerox’s PARC and Pixar), and for fuzzy minds across the nation and around the world, I am sure that it will be quite some time before we are graced with someone with Steve’s rare combination of innovative excellence and business savvy.

It is unlikely that many readers of this blog understand the fundamental impact Steve had on the world we know today. Among the 338 patents for which Steve is the sole or principal inventor, he designed, built, and marketed one of the first mouse-driven computers to take advantage of a graphical user interface (or GUI) — something that everyone today virtually takes for granted.

Steve pioneered the “i” line of computers and computing devices, starting with the iMac and including the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad. Nobody can argue that the introduction of the iPod (and the accompanying iTunes software and iTunes store) didn’t fundamentally change the music industry (and later, portions of the video industry).

Some have characterized Steve Jobs as the Thomas Edison or the Henry Ford of his time; we won’t dilute his memory by making any such comparisons, but what we will say is that he’ll be missed.

Astronomically, the solstice (or equinox) is the middle of the season — these astronomical points are not the start of the seasons (so sayeth Sir R. Ball in his Elements of Astronomy). This year, the summer solstice was June 21. Fuzzier minds know, however, that there is a lag to what feels like the middle of summer (meteorologically speaking). In fact, a temperature lag of up to half of a season is relatively common. While June 21 was (by definition) the longest day of the year, the meteorological lag will push the hottest day of the summer to July or August. Why?

If the Sun is the heat source of an oven that we’ll call Earth, then the oceans act as heat sinks, absorbing and reradiating the Sun’s energy over time; ergo, temperature lag. The weather guys think that summer extends through all of June, July, and August. Being (close to) the middle of July, I think I’ll argue that we’re at least close to the middle of summer. It’s hot and it’s humid, and, as the title of this post might indicate, things in my yard are growing madly.

Here’s this year’s garden with cucumbers (left) and tomatoes (right). Notice the netting to keep the birds out and the double-layer chicken wire to keep the freaking chipmunks out:

The wisteria, now home to at least one nesting pair of cardinals, are also home to ferns, lilies of the valley, and bleeding hearts:

A new addition to the yard, the passion vine, is starting to take over in the patio as it climbs up the trellis. The basil (second pot from the left) is doing well, and the butterfly bush (purple flowers in the back) is coming back well.

We know we’ll have some cherry tomatoes this year:

One of mother’s thousand dahlias this year:

Another dahlia:

Yet another dahlia. This one is a good 6 or 7 inches in diameter, and likely one of my favorites.

Here’s the back of the house. Not to shabby for what we’ve been able to do this year. See my new elephant ears?

God curse the bastard that invented sod cutters. That damn thing almost killed my beloved and sainted father. If you’ve never seen one, here’s the business end:

The theory is that the blade oscillates back and forth while the back wheels push the whole machine forward, taking off the layer of turf and exposing dirt. Very nice — in theory. Blade oscillates fine. Back wheels turn fine, but don’t move SQUAT. Ergo, my poor beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) had to push the damned thing everywhere. Did I mention that the web site for these things say they “weigh only 160 pounds”? And that they don’t steer? In any case, here I am approving my beloved father’s hard work:

Here’s my beloved and sainted father hard at work, pushing the demon thing through the turf. When he and my mother took the removed turf out it was well over 750 pounds (500 pounds measured out in one trip to the dump). Add that to the more than 4 yards of cedar mulch, and that adds up to one nightmarish job… A job that someone else can do next year.

However, in the end, the beds around the magnolia (left center) and the dwarf magnolia (right center, in its second bloom this year) are both expanded nicely.

Here’s the extended bed around the butterfly bush. Doing this round bed with the demon device that doesn’t steer was non-trivial. The jasmine is new this year (left center with white flowers), and although mother says it smells, I don’t really smell it yet. I’m just happy it’s alive. The black things sticking up between the monkey grass are part of the new low-flow watering system.

What’s next? We’re hoping that it’s going to be harvest time. Tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, spinach, and jalapenos – in addition to the giant pile of herbs will hopefully make for some really yummy chow. Mommy better figure out how to dry the herbs and preserve the vegetables soon….

It’s been almost a month since my last post, and lots has been happening. My Papi would remind us all that learning is a violent and invasive process, and the current “fun” with the floor is no exception. As you may recall, the last time we left our heros, they had completed removal of the “cat-enhanced” carpet pad and had replaced two panels of “infected” subfloor.

It was interesting to see that the subfloor that my parents purchased (and then wandered home — on the top of my poor mother’s car) was 3/8-in thick. My beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) noticed that the new floor was both “depressed” and slightly less “firm” than the old floor. Yep – the “right” thickness of subflooring should be 5/8 of an inch. Out comes the “old, new” subfloor, and down goes the “new, new” subfloor. Since we didn’t cement the “old, new” stuff down, it was relatively easy to take back up. Here are some pictures:

My mother taking up the “old, new” subfloor:

Wide open floor (all the “old, new” stuff taken up):

There was some discussion of “fasteners.” The “old, old” stuff was secured with nails and something like liquid nails. We thought screws (and no liquid nails) would be better. The “regular” wood screws stripped immediately without going into the wood; the deck screws that we used were fine, but left their square-ish head sticking out. There’s no sense in countersinking screw heads in subflooring. My poor beloved and sainted father became exasperated:

My beloved and sainted father standing on the completed “new, new” subfloor, declaring victory:

For the dining room then, this step is completed. We rolled the carpet back down (sans pad) and began the bioremediation process. For this, we decided to use a product called “Odor Fix Plus.” The idea is that by using bioremediation, we could save the carpet and end up saving some money.

Here, my beloved and sainted father applies the bioremediation solution:

Since then, we used an ultraviolet light to check the efficacy of the bioremediation (as an aside, there’s a reason why some animals retained the ability to see in the UV part of the spectrum). It was clear that a second round of treatment was required. After the second “dose” dried completely, we checked the affected area with the UV light again, and although the fluorescent glow was diminished compared to untreated areas (by something like half – although that wasn’t measured scientifically), there were enough “spots” left over to lead us to the conclusion that either (a) we’re going to need a lot more of the bioremediation solution, or (b) the carpet was so heinously affected that bioremediation doesn’t stand a chance.

Time to think about the path forward…

Sigh. I hate cats.

I love making people happy. Since it comes naturally to Pekingese, I suppose I’m lucky. I also love giving presents to people (you might ask my mother about her Mother’s Day present). What makes a good present? Something that’s meaningful, something that lasts, and something that can be enjoyed when it’s received. While it seems trivial, finding the “gift that keeps on giving” isn’t so easy.

Cats, as we all know, are evil, stinky, and generally vile. Why anyone would keep company with one is beyond me; you know that my sister and I will chase off any one that comes near us. That said, cats have discovered the ultimate gift that keeps on giving: cat pee.

The people who lived in our house before us had cats, and they apparently left us a few such presents. There are three main components to this unique gift that are keys to understanding our situation:

• urea is what makes urine sticky once it begins to dry
• urochrome is the pigment that makes the urine yellow (and stains the affected materials)
• uric acid is what produces this gift’s bouquet

Before we moved in, all of the carpets in the house were professionally cleaned. Since then, my poor mother has cleaned our dining room carpet time after time after time. However, the nature of the uric acid has, until now, thwarted all of our attempts to live in a pee-free house. After the cats left each of their gifts (and there were apparently many), the urine passed through the carpet and into the carpet pad. That would be bad enough, but it actually went through the pad and soaked into the wood subfloor. Some parts of the urine are insoluble, and every time my poor mother cleans the carpet, the water effectively reactivates them – releasing odor (yuck) and increasing bacterial growth. The bacteria decompose the urea and give off a smell like ammonia, and in later stages of decomposition, the bacteria emit thiols that are even worse (sulfury skunk smell). This means that every time my mother cleans the carpets, the stains look like they go away, but always return with a vengeance (generally larger) a few days later (it takes a while for the bacteria to be reactivated and do their thing).

My beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) has decided to save the day – we’re going to replace the offending areas of floor, replace the pad, and hope that we can live in a pee-free home. There have, however, been some doubters — people who have no faith in my beloved and sainted father. In fact, there are some who might accuse him of hiring someone to fix the problem and then lie about it (claiming to have done the work himself – I’m talking to YOU, Omi). Why anyone would even think something so offensive is beyond me, but I wanted to show that these things are being done. LET THE WILD RUMPUS BEGIN!!

The vacuumed room before the work begins:

My mother indicating some of the offending areas (I’m supervising):

My beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) showing off the new vertical blinds that my parents installed:

Work begins:

Daddy begins removing the carpet (with supervision):

Carpet pulled back, showing the nasty pad:

Back side of the carpet – clearly stained (the supervisor is standing well away from the “stink zone”):

Highly scientific testing showing that the stain is indeed cat pee (my sister is in the background mocking me):

Carpet rolled back, ready for step #2:

My beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) finishing up the removal of the pad:

Mommy took all the tack strips up:

Mommy working to take up one of the floor boards that stink:

Daddy sanding the bits left over and taking the glue off of the beams:

Some of the nails used to join the subfloor to the joists wouldn’t come out – enter the rotary tool and watch the sparks fly!

Mommy helped with the sanding (nice use of her dust mask, don’t you think?):

One of the pieces of subfloor needed additional support from below. My beloved and sainted father (glory be unto his name) went down into the crawlspace to install the new board:

Cutting the new subfloor. Notice the ultimately sexy saw (YEAH, BABY!):

Sexy saw in action (this shot is for you, Papi):

Mommy holding the new subfloor ready for installation:

Mommy standing on the new floor with the victory smile:

The piece of wood Mommy is holding is 58 inches long and 1/4 inch wide – just one quick sweep with the new saw!

For tonight, we’ll clean up the area and get ready to replace the other pieces that stink. Once they are replaced, the new pad (behind Mommy in the picture above) goes down, and we should be good to go! Stay tuned for more pictures….

It’s been some time since I’ve last blogged, and I apologize. I’m sure you understand that Pekingese are, however, busy, busy, busy…

In the meantime, spring has sprung and summer is almost upon us. In his never-ending attempt to ensure the beauty of my lawn (that I’m forced to share with my sister), my beloved and sainted father has now declared war on the invading creatures.

A couple of years ago, (this is now lore – I wasn’t around “a couple of years ago”), we had a bird feeder that effectively fed both birds and squirrels. Since the whole “squirrel in the chimney” incident, squirrels have become animalia non grata. That, and the little buggers dig up all the bulbs that my poor mother plants. Furry rats with fluffy tails, they are…

In any case, we have a new bird feeder. It is 100% squirrel-proof, and it’s freaking awesome. Once it was up, we watched as one of the enemy crept up the trellis where the jasmine is growing (and by the way, our jasmine doesn’t smell – whiskey tango foxtrot with that?), across the metal rod that holds the bird feeder, down the tube, and then right before he could grab the feed… well… The feeder kicked in and spun his butt right off! (Gotta love something that actually DOES what they say it should do…) He only tried twice, but that was enough for him.

In the meantime, we’ve had lots of birds. Those things have scarfed down something like 20 pounds of feed so far this year. 20 whole pounds – that’s about what I weigh now! Some of their seed ends up dropping down to the ground, and the bird feeder can’t protect us from the invasion any more. Not only are there squirrels, but there are now chipmunks that cross over the border (i.e., under the fence) and eat their fill (which is surprisingly large). Not only do they eat the spilled bird seed, but they dig up bulbs, flowers, and have started going after some of the young garden plants that my mother has grown from seeds. This is, my friends, not acceptable.

To solve the problem, we have adopted a biometric approach. We watched where the enemy went – their chosen routes to and from the “protected areas,” the times of day they selected to make their “hits,” and the like. Based on the intelligence we gathered, we were able to deploy key technology and eliminate the threat.

The trap used in the “incident” earlier this year wasn’t built very well, so it was recycled; a new, smaller trap for the new invaders was put into place. Baited with just a bit of peanut butter and bird seed, the first invader was captured:

Much like you’d think the Border Patrol does it, this beast was interrogated and then deported to a more appropriate location (in this case, Brown’s Chapel Park in Reston). Interestingly enough, after the trap was reset (30 minutes after interloper #1 was captured), it took less than an hour for this to happen:

Interloper #2 was captured and released into the same location by my fearless, beloved and sainted father (notice his patriotic t-shirt?).

My mother, thinking that capturing more animals is better, reset the trap. The next morning, she was greeted:

My mother didn’t have time to detour to the park on the way to school, so she dropped off the squirrel at an undisclosed location (likely for additional questioning). The next morning, a similar result:

… The next day, my beloved and sainted father found the trap to contain… a small bird. Trapping was over for now. The main culprits (the chipmunks) have not been seen in this vicinity since Operation “Keep Out” concluded. Quite frankly, we accomplished our mission in a very short time, at a bare minimum of cost, and without any damage or danger to non-target suspects. No animals were injured, inconvenienced, or molested during this operation; no images were taken other than those presented here. Although some have suggested it, TSA’s Screening of Passengers by Observation Technique (SPOT) program (see the description by the GAO here) has not yet been as effective. My personal bet is that when GAO (or any other group, for that matter) goes to ask such questions, the response is something like this:

Top Men

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Pekingese around the world welcome the recent news that Obama bin Laden is no longer a threat to rest the of the world. We join the rest of the world (less Iran and areas controlled by Hamas) in knowing that there’s one less terrorist bastard to make our lives more difficult than they need to be. We pass along our deepest thanks to the U.S intel community, the U.S. Navy DEVGRU and the 160th SOAR. Sierra Hotel, ladies and gentlemen.

As a public service announcement, however, it’s our duty to report than Osama will not be meeting his 72 virgins in paradise. Due to the ongoing economic conditions around the world, these virgins have been laid off and are therefore no longer available.

We return you now to your regularly scheduled blog entries….